The Default World by Naomi Kanakia

Author:Naomi Kanakia
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Feminist Press at CUNY

11

Jhanvi tried to sink into the sidewalk and to move her feet along an invisible line, swaying her hips as if she was a real woman, and she was rewarded with a muttered word from the corner.

“What?” Jhanvi said.

“I said you’re a faggot.” The guy, Chris, narrowed his eyes. “Faggot. Faggot.”

Jhanvi walked onward, feeling a little twitch in her side, imagining the man sticking a knife into her kidney.

Her stomach churned as she passed Toni’s bar—god, to name one of many places she never wanted to go again. She also had to cross the entrance to the CVS. She made eye contact with the security guard, her face burning, but couldn’t remember if he’d been there the other night when she’d tried to shoplift.

The day was brisk and windy, and the sun didn’t warm her skin. Her woolen duster flapped around her legs and hips as she walked into the bar. Right away, she spotted two figures sitting in a booth. Audrey, in her work clothes—jeans and a blazer over a T-shirt. Katie was more dressed up: she wore a complete little skirt suit, along with three-inch pumps. Audrey had her hand on Katie’s shoulder.

They were sitting in one of the windows, and, shielded from the wind, Jhanvi finally felt the warmth of the sun on her skin, which made her head throb.

“Hello,” Jhanvi said.

Both of the girls were wearing sunglasses. The sun was orange and low over the buildings across the street. Jhanvi slid sideways in the booth, trying to get her head into the shadows.

“Oh hey,” Audrey said.

“Are you hungry?” Katie said. “Did you want anything?”

“Sangria,” Jhanvi said. The two girls looked at each other, and Jhanvi felt a spasm in her stomach.

“I’d prefer if you were sober for this,” Katie said.

“Just for the beginning,” Audrey said. “So we can clear the air.” Her voice was higher than Katie’s, and she smiled widely. “It got really tense on Sunday.”

Jhanvi felt totally unable to match the tone of whatever conversation she was in. The bandages on her legs suddenly burned, and a chill went all the way up her legs and back. Her head hurt so much, and her throat was harsh and raw, like someone had gone over it with a cheese grater.

“Why do you think we’re here?” Katie said.

“Oh my god,” Jhanvi said. “Stop. Please. Just get to the point.”

Even Katie’s slow blink was gorgeous: acres of eyelid sliding up and down, thin as the membrane of a bat’s wing, and just as sinuous and alien.

“After you left on Sunday, we spent a lot of time introspecting about your presence, and why it made us feel uncomfortable. It sort of took over the night. I think, ultimately, we came out stronger, but a lot of strong emotions were felt.”

“I had strong emotions too,” Jhanvi said. “Strongly strong ones.”

“Do you know what exactly was so disruptive?”

“I called you out? I don’t know,” Jhanvi said. “Can we please skip to the end? What is the upshot here?”

“Henry reminded us you’ve never been in situations like this before.

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